I'm Soooo Over You!!

Over the next week or so, I’ll be doing a few blogs about love songs. Everybody loves a good love song. Some people like ‘em fast and some people like ‘em slow. There’s something on my list for everyone!

Today we’ll be reviewing my top picks for “I’m still pissed off really bad” songs.

1. Rearranged by Limp Bizkit

Basically, she did him wrong. Very wrong. He would have tried to work things out but she waited too long! Now he's done.

Best Line: "You're no good for me, thank God it's over"

2. Before He Cheats by Carrie Underwood

Everyone knows this one. He cheated and she got even. He loved his ride more than her and she hit him where it would hurt the most.
Now let me tell you, she's got cat balls. I've dug my key into the side of a truck before but never had the nerve to carve my name on his leather seats.
Come to think of it, that guy had cloth seats so it wouldn't have sent the same message.

Best Line: "Right now he's probably dabbing on $3 worth of that bathroom Polo"

3. You Outta Know by Alanis Morissette

This woman has got to be the most pissed off woman alive! The song speaks for itself.

Best Line: "And everytime I scratch my nails down someone else's back I hope you feel it. Well, can you feel it?"

4. F.O.D. by Green Day

Wow...it doesn't get any more clear than this. If you're trying to tell your other half goodbye, then this is the way to do it!

Best Line: "I'm taking pride in telling you to fuck off and die"

Have you ever had that "not so fresh feeling"?

Cruising through the local "Get It All Here" store, I found myself in the health/beauty section. I frequently find myself looking for stuff to buy. I might not need it but what happens if I do and it's not at home? So I was browsing the feminine products and decided I needed to douche. I'm 27 years old...about time to clean that thing. I've had a few kids...surely it needs to be freshened up a bit.

I got home and opened the package. Skimming the directions...insert three inches. I hope it knows when to stop! Squeeze, release. Squeeze, release. Squeeze, release. Wow, this is messy. Okay, I'm done. Wipe. Put panties back on. Throw away bottle. Ahh. The feeling of clean. That wasn't so bad. Or so I thought.

My husband arrives at home and goes to his daily afternoon appointment with the bathroom. I hear an innocent yet embarrassed voice from the bathroom, "Honey, did you have Red Lobster for lunch?". I can't believe I forgot to hide the evidence of my escapade. I just left it sitting on the top of the trashcan. I quickly changed the subject and told him I needed to go to the Home Depot for switch plate covers. Anything to escape the embarrassment of him knowing what I had done.

At the Home Depot, I'm looking for switch plate covers and needed to squat down to better observe my proposed purchase. This also serves as a fine time to stretch my hamstrings. I assume the position. I look like I'm peeing in the middle of the woods. For a second it actually feels like it too. OMG, I think I'm actually peeing...here? Now!?! What happened to the bladder giving me a warning to get to the restroom. What's that smell? Fresh? Oh, no. It's douche! I douched at home hours ago! It came out...or at least I thought all of it did. There was no warning on the side of the box to avoid human contact outside of the home for a fear of a tidal wave excreting from the toot. Why me? Why now?

All I could do was run out of the store with my face covered in shame. Yeah, that's embarrassing.

Proper Spelling and Grammar

Here is a quick lesson for the people that did not have the privilege of having Mrs. Bagwell for a teacher and for the people that did take her class but failed to listen. I know it's not very thorough but it's purely intended to be used as a cheat sheet.


Lesson 1
They’re over there with their things.

There are three different meanings and three different spellings.
1. They’re – It means “they are”.
2. There – It means WHERE they are
3. Their – It means the things belong to them and no one else. (Rememer the spelling of this word is one of the exceptions to the rule "I before E except after C").

Lesson 2
You’re so right about your opinions.

Again, two totally different words often confused and misrepresented.
1. You’re – It means “you are”. It does not mean something belongs to you.
2. Your – This is possessive. It belongs to you!

Lesson 3
There are too many people going to the party for two.

This one can be tricky! Let me explain.
1. Too – A word meaning “excessive” or it can mean to be in agreement.
2. To –A preposition showing direction (there are tons of prepositions. Always remember to never end a sentence using a preposition. Your sentence is still open for discussion if you do not give an explanation after the preposition).
3. Two – A number

Lesson 4
It’s going to its grave.

1. It’s – It is. It is what it is.
2. Its – Possessive, referring to whom the grave belongs.

Lesson 5
Since you are going then, I would rather have this than that.


1. Then – It means when
2. Than – A word connecting two phrases of contradiction

Lesson 6
My pants will be loose because I am going to lose some weight.

These two words are not even pronounced the same.
1. Lose – It is when you misplace something or fail miserably.
2. Loose – The fit of something, the opposite of tight.

Lesson 7
Where are the shoes you are planning to wear to the party?
1. Where – It’s a place
2. Wear – It’s an action

Lesson 8
There's a lot of people here.

1. Do you even know what "a lot" means? A lot is a piece of land, not a group of people.
2. Save yourself the trouble and use the word "plenty" or "many".