Have you ever had that "not so fresh feeling"?

Cruising through the local "Get It All Here" store, I found myself in the health/beauty section. I frequently find myself looking for stuff to buy. I might not need it but what happens if I do and it's not at home? So I was browsing the feminine products and decided I needed to douche. I'm 27 years old...about time to clean that thing. I've had a few kids...surely it needs to be freshened up a bit.

I got home and opened the package. Skimming the directions...insert three inches. I hope it knows when to stop! Squeeze, release. Squeeze, release. Squeeze, release. Wow, this is messy. Okay, I'm done. Wipe. Put panties back on. Throw away bottle. Ahh. The feeling of clean. That wasn't so bad. Or so I thought.

My husband arrives at home and goes to his daily afternoon appointment with the bathroom. I hear an innocent yet embarrassed voice from the bathroom, "Honey, did you have Red Lobster for lunch?". I can't believe I forgot to hide the evidence of my escapade. I just left it sitting on the top of the trashcan. I quickly changed the subject and told him I needed to go to the Home Depot for switch plate covers. Anything to escape the embarrassment of him knowing what I had done.

At the Home Depot, I'm looking for switch plate covers and needed to squat down to better observe my proposed purchase. This also serves as a fine time to stretch my hamstrings. I assume the position. I look like I'm peeing in the middle of the woods. For a second it actually feels like it too. OMG, I think I'm actually peeing...here? Now!?! What happened to the bladder giving me a warning to get to the restroom. What's that smell? Fresh? Oh, no. It's douche! I douched at home hours ago! It came out...or at least I thought all of it did. There was no warning on the side of the box to avoid human contact outside of the home for a fear of a tidal wave excreting from the toot. Why me? Why now?

All I could do was run out of the store with my face covered in shame. Yeah, that's embarrassing.